Starting off my capstone, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this. I definitely had my doubts and fears. I knew I wanted to do some sort of game to raise awareness, but going and sharing my story was something I was really nervous about. However, I knew I needed to do it. The bond I gained with kids was amazing and it made this experience all the more better. I hope throughout this process I am gaining confidence in people who this has affected personally. I am now a resource for some of these kids and it makes me extremely happy. I think I really found myself through this whole process. I think part of this project have definitely helped me heal. I would like to continue with this because I think the act that I am a victim of sexual assault and I am not the typical person that this would happen to, helps proclaim the message of this can really happen to anybody. I wholeheartedly believe that impacted everyone that I conveyed my message to in some way shape or form. I really think I had an impact on the Suffield girls because it showed them that there is more to all the teams they play. As much intensity as the games hold and as into it as we get, they are real people in the uniform. Also, with the kids in Mrs. Portals two classes I went into really have changed. I have developed a bond with all of them and I am extremely happy about it. Even though the project has ended, the kids still come up to me and say, “Hey Ri” or ask me questions about everything.
The part I struggled to overcome the most with my capstone is looking back and reflecting. Many of my teachers do not understand this and can't comprehend why. I believe this is because I am in a much better place then I was previously have been. I don't like looking back to when I wasn't in a good place and talking about it. I love the growth that I have made and often times I do not realize it. I often times don't give myself enough credit for the amount of work I have done with this. I found myself presenting in many classes and the teachers having no idea what happened to me. It goes to show that you really have no idea what is going on in someone's life. The main comment I have received from teachers are "If i would have known...." or "I feel terrible for not knowing". if they had known, they would have treated me differently or as I was less capable as the person to the left or right of me. I didn't express all these thought in my journals because I don't want people to think of me differently. It sucks for me to tap into that part of me when I have a bunch of emotions. I like to come off as a girl who doesnt care about anything. In reality though, I am hurting, but I am fixing it and trying to do it on my own. I struggle to ask for help because it makes me feel vulnerable and as if I am not strong enough to take it done on my own. Saying that, I believe there are parts of my capstone I could have done better if I just asked for help. For example, setting up for the volleyball game would have been so much easier if I had just asked for help. The day Amneris could not make it would have been so much better if I asked someone to guide me with what to do instead of making a lesson plan all on my own in 15 minutes. This whole experience, everything, would have been so much better if I just allow myself to ask for help.
Overall, I think that my capstone was an amazing experience and changed my life forever. It is in no way just a graduation requirement and I am extremely proud of myself. I truley believe I touched everyone I talked to about this serious issue and changed their lives forever.
The part I struggled to overcome the most with my capstone is looking back and reflecting. Many of my teachers do not understand this and can't comprehend why. I believe this is because I am in a much better place then I was previously have been. I don't like looking back to when I wasn't in a good place and talking about it. I love the growth that I have made and often times I do not realize it. I often times don't give myself enough credit for the amount of work I have done with this. I found myself presenting in many classes and the teachers having no idea what happened to me. It goes to show that you really have no idea what is going on in someone's life. The main comment I have received from teachers are "If i would have known...." or "I feel terrible for not knowing". if they had known, they would have treated me differently or as I was less capable as the person to the left or right of me. I didn't express all these thought in my journals because I don't want people to think of me differently. It sucks for me to tap into that part of me when I have a bunch of emotions. I like to come off as a girl who doesnt care about anything. In reality though, I am hurting, but I am fixing it and trying to do it on my own. I struggle to ask for help because it makes me feel vulnerable and as if I am not strong enough to take it done on my own. Saying that, I believe there are parts of my capstone I could have done better if I just asked for help. For example, setting up for the volleyball game would have been so much easier if I had just asked for help. The day Amneris could not make it would have been so much better if I asked someone to guide me with what to do instead of making a lesson plan all on my own in 15 minutes. This whole experience, everything, would have been so much better if I just allow myself to ask for help.
Overall, I think that my capstone was an amazing experience and changed my life forever. It is in no way just a graduation requirement and I am extremely proud of myself. I truley believe I touched everyone I talked to about this serious issue and changed their lives forever.